For the longest time, this space has been used to show off my cynicism, my hatred for mankind, and my snobbish witty bastard side. I guess all good things do come to an end...
Don't worry, this post is the only thing being altered, not my oh-so-lovable personality or future rants. The reason this change is taking place is because tonight I saw the 1997 Italian film 'Life is Beautiful'. I was naturally skeptical when my roommate told me of this wonderful Holocaust film, mostly because he's a hardcore indie pop fan, rendering his opinion utterly useless. However, when I actually watched the film, something amazing happened...
I couldn't find anything to really hate about the film!
The first half of the film takes place in Italy in the beginning stages of WWII, focusing on Guido Orefice (Roberto Benigni - Oscar for Best Actor for said role), a Jewish man who moves into the city to open up a bookstore. On numerous occasions, he encounters a woman named Dora (Nicoletta Braschi), whom he admits his love for, but finds out at a big reception that she is to be wed. The first half of the film becomes a very slapstick romantic comedy of Guido trying to win over Dora, usually with amazingly clever ploys and expert timing.
The second half of the film takes place years later, when Guido and Dora have a son together, Joshua (Giorgio Cantarini), whom is about five years old at the time. Dora comes home on her son's birthday to discover Guido and Joshua were taken away to the concentration camps. Unlike most Holocaust films, this one takes a completely different angle with how the story is told inside the camps. The entire time Guido and Joshua are in the camp, Guido continuously makes up stories to protect his son from the hellish truth that they could be killed off at any moment. Guido's quick-wit explanations to Joshua, such as telling him they are playing a game and can win a brand new tank if they earn enough points by doing certain tasks, keeps the audience feeling that even the most depressing scenario can be happy and uplifting.
I might still be on the buzz from the experience, but I think that this is by far the best movie I have seen in the last year. The ending leaves you experiencing a range of emotions, but ultimately satisfied.
Let's put this simply: if you enjoy watching films at all, this is a must-see.
4.5/5
And just so I can be a bastard one last time: the film is in Italian, so there are subtitles, unless, of course, you watch it dubbed. However, if you are not a fan of subtitles or prefer an English dub to watch a film, I think you suck as a human being and deserve to be shot out of a cannon and into a brick wall at point-blank range.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Thursday, December 20, 2007
RamblingSimon Rants About: The Person I Hate
Today, my hatred for one person has grown significantly.
Before moving off to college, I can honestly say I have never hated anyone. I've found people to be arrogant, annoying, rude, lazy, and make choices I didn't agree with, but, at most, I've only somewhat disliked them.
When I moved off to college, I met someone on my floor who I could not bare to tolerate. At first, she was okay, but since my roommate liked her, I had to hang around her more. One night, we ended up playing basketball together, and she just drove me absolutely nuts to the point that I had to walk away, else I would headbutt the sidewalk to ease the pain her voice caused my ears.
Since that point, I've never been able to say a nice thing about her. I'm pretty civil around her, but I've been known to subtly make comments that translate into, "I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!!!"
A lot of this has subsided, but today, her Facebook status of her being sad because she chose friends who don't drink...it makes me hate her even more for caring about something so trivial over her friendships. It seems so superficial to me, really. She has no respect for her friends and their choices. It really bothers me.
Maybe it's a bit mean to hate people. Maybe 'hate' is too strong of word. I mean, it's not like I would feel better if something happened to her. I would probably show the same amount of sympathy as I would anyone else. Being around her just drives me crazy. She's unfunny, unintelligent, annoying, brutal on my ears and...just plain dull. Every time she opens her mouth, I want to stick something in it just so nothing can come out of it to make me think, "does she even listen to the things that she says?!" I'd hate her less if she had a redeeming quality.
Still looking for that...
Before moving off to college, I can honestly say I have never hated anyone. I've found people to be arrogant, annoying, rude, lazy, and make choices I didn't agree with, but, at most, I've only somewhat disliked them.
When I moved off to college, I met someone on my floor who I could not bare to tolerate. At first, she was okay, but since my roommate liked her, I had to hang around her more. One night, we ended up playing basketball together, and she just drove me absolutely nuts to the point that I had to walk away, else I would headbutt the sidewalk to ease the pain her voice caused my ears.
Since that point, I've never been able to say a nice thing about her. I'm pretty civil around her, but I've been known to subtly make comments that translate into, "I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!!!"
A lot of this has subsided, but today, her Facebook status of her being sad because she chose friends who don't drink...it makes me hate her even more for caring about something so trivial over her friendships. It seems so superficial to me, really. She has no respect for her friends and their choices. It really bothers me.
Maybe it's a bit mean to hate people. Maybe 'hate' is too strong of word. I mean, it's not like I would feel better if something happened to her. I would probably show the same amount of sympathy as I would anyone else. Being around her just drives me crazy. She's unfunny, unintelligent, annoying, brutal on my ears and...just plain dull. Every time she opens her mouth, I want to stick something in it just so nothing can come out of it to make me think, "does she even listen to the things that she says?!" I'd hate her less if she had a redeeming quality.
Still looking for that...
Saturday, October 6, 2007
RamblingSimon Rants About: How to Spot a Zombie
In today’s world, zombies, also referred to, in some cases, as “The Living Dead”, are a problematic group for the human race, both in regards to an individual’s safety and the functionality of an entire society. A zombie comes into existence when a recently deceased person is brought back to life in the original body, although the means in which this is done is not entirely determined. What has been concluded from decades of research, however, is that these creatures are violent and hazardous to human life. Since zombies are reanimated human corpses, differentiating a living person and a member the living dead can be difficult sometimes. Thankfully, there are telltale signs that help distinguish if a human is really a zombie, many of which that have come to light for many people thanks to the films of zombie documenters such as George A. Romero.
The behavior of a zombie is very distinctive. Members of the living dead are known to be very aggressive, which has been cited in nearly every documentary covering the subject, such as Romero’s informative film, “Night of the Living Dead”. These creatures have an undying tendency to hunt for human flesh and brains. Rather than satisfying hunger, the reasoning for this seems to stem from more primitive instincts. The mind of a zombie seems to focus only on the hunt, losing all recollection of its former life, personality, and memories. It also seems to forget how to complete simple tasks. A common example is as basic as opening a door, which is replaced with the action of constant banging, hoping that instead, the door will break down or open automatically. As a zombie outbreak commences, zombies tend to only work individually at hunting down innocent bystanders. As time progresses, and more people become zombies (almost at an exponential rate), the zombies will start grouping together to form large hordes. The hordes, however, lack teamwork, and the zombies continue to work at an individual level.
One of the best ways to tell if someone is actually a zombie is to merely look at the person. No matter how long ago the person ‘changed over’, there are key elements in appearance that give the zombie away. One of the first noticeable changes is in the facial region. Members of the undead tend to show an expression depicted as “vacant, with a hint of sadness” in the 2004 mock-documentary film, “Shaun of the Dead”, noted in many cases due to a lack of conscious thought. Zombies also tend to have a change in eye color, going from normal pigmentation of the pupils to a more glassed-over look, to the point where the eyeball seems almost transparent. In overall appearance, a zombie will tend to look like a fresh human corpse, since, essentially, it is one. A zombie will also typically appear to be untidy and scruffy, as seen on their own clothing, stained mainly in dirt or the blood of their victims.
One issue of that has stereotyped the undead for years is their movement capabilities. Since the 1960’s and 70’s, with the release of Romero’s four documentaries over the living dead, it has been highly believed that all zombies are very sluggish and would only gain a small burst of energy when lunging at its human prey. Since then, however, there have been new citations that have proven this claim to be untrue. In 1983, the undead were shown to be able to move rhythmically and in perfect choreography with each other in the 14-minute mini-film, ‘Thriller’. In 2004, Zack Snyder released his own documentary, ‘Dawn of the Dead’. The zombies depicted in the film shared many elements that were cited in many of the early ‘Romero Zombies’. The one highly noticeable difference, however, was the zombies caught on camera in this film were far from ‘sluggish’. These zombies were capable of running long distances to catch up with their victims. A sort of evolution took place for the walking dead since the 1960’s and 70’s, almost as if they were trying to catch up with today’s fast-paced society.
The zombie menace could strike at any moment. They could already be among us. Being able to tell the difference between friend and foe is the best way to survive the outbreak. Knowing what the enemy looks and acts like is a key element to staying alive. The best ammunition in this case is knowledge.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
RamblingSimon Rants About: The Flying Car
Flight - the dream of any land dweller with an active imagination on a beautiful Saturday afternoon just staring at the blue sky, watching the birds go by, wanting to go where no man has gone before...well, go where Icarus had gone, but not melt your wax wings and plummet to Earth.
Wouldn't it be awesome to have a flying car!?! To be able to fly yourself? To be able to not feel the limitations that gravity has on you? To look like a total badass hovering above the ground as you pass everyone stuck in a traffic jam on the express lane?
Too bad. I'm here to crush your childhood fantasies.
It'd be nice to own one of these luxuries, but let us think realistically for one moment. First, safety. Now, I can guess that at least one or two of my readers have been in a motor vehicle on the road before. Just a hunch. Anyways, we are always told to drive defensively. You know why? It's because you are supposed to assume that everyone around you is a terrible driver. If you make an hour commute every single day, you are almost guaranteed actually spotting one of these people. People are naturally stupid and irresponsible. Give a person a new axis to roam on and you are giving the bad drivers the upperhand to kill. Get a drunk teen in a flying car, the kid is gonna wind up in the second story of someone's home. Nobody's going to be safe.
Secondly, regulation. Pretty much, you are putting the public on free roam. How can you possibly keep order without a systematic approach to keeping the airway in check? It works for airlines because flights can easily schedule when they are coming and going. A metropolitan area, on the other hand, would be a bit trickier. By rush hour, everyone is trying to travel and there's no way you can get from Point A to Point B without a case of Flying Rage.
Lastly, cost. Let's ring up the bill, shall we? A flying car would prolly cost around $100k when first made 'AFFORDABLE' to the general public. After that, you have to buy fuel, which it would use more of to propel it vertically, and at a much faster rate than a standard automobile. These are only DIRECT costs! Don't forget you are still a taxpayer who owes the federal government money to be able to regulate air transportation with new construction and outfitting the police force with both ground and air vehicles.
Yeah, reality sucks. Let's go back to what we were thinking of...
Ahh....
Wouldn't it be awesome to have a flying car!?! To be able to fly yourself? To be able to not feel the limitations that gravity has on you? To look like a total badass hovering above the ground as you pass everyone stuck in a traffic jam on the express lane?
Too bad. I'm here to crush your childhood fantasies.
It'd be nice to own one of these luxuries, but let us think realistically for one moment. First, safety. Now, I can guess that at least one or two of my readers have been in a motor vehicle on the road before. Just a hunch. Anyways, we are always told to drive defensively. You know why? It's because you are supposed to assume that everyone around you is a terrible driver. If you make an hour commute every single day, you are almost guaranteed actually spotting one of these people. People are naturally stupid and irresponsible. Give a person a new axis to roam on and you are giving the bad drivers the upperhand to kill. Get a drunk teen in a flying car, the kid is gonna wind up in the second story of someone's home. Nobody's going to be safe.
Secondly, regulation. Pretty much, you are putting the public on free roam. How can you possibly keep order without a systematic approach to keeping the airway in check? It works for airlines because flights can easily schedule when they are coming and going. A metropolitan area, on the other hand, would be a bit trickier. By rush hour, everyone is trying to travel and there's no way you can get from Point A to Point B without a case of Flying Rage.
Lastly, cost. Let's ring up the bill, shall we? A flying car would prolly cost around $100k when first made 'AFFORDABLE' to the general public. After that, you have to buy fuel, which it would use more of to propel it vertically, and at a much faster rate than a standard automobile. These are only DIRECT costs! Don't forget you are still a taxpayer who owes the federal government money to be able to regulate air transportation with new construction and outfitting the police force with both ground and air vehicles.
Yeah, reality sucks. Let's go back to what we were thinking of...
Ahh....
RamblingSimon Rants About: Prostitution
We all know of that infamous street within about an hour of our homes that we always mention in jokes about penny-whores and the ways a person could spend a paycheck. For me, Division St. in Grand Rapids is that special place. Unfortunately, I've been down there. I have yet to be there at night when the hookers are out, for I am white, and as a person of Caucasian descent, I have a Suburbia-type paranoia that forbids me from going into run-down urban environments after dusk.
However, I feel for those young ladies. They are seen as lowly citizens and cast aside, left only to be a slave to a pimp and a criminal to the law. What kind of living is it to have a job that is not accepted in our society? A living that isn't an honest living is not living at all, for sure! We got to help these poor women, men, and trannys out!
We must legalize and regulate prostitution!
Yes, America should follow in the footsteps of Nevada. There, prostitution is perfectly legal in counties that don't exceed a population of 500,000. It works, too! With regulations as far as getting checkups for AIDS and other types of VD, very few, if any, cases of the spread of disease has been reported.
Each state would abolish their prostitution laws and renew them with laws that contain prostitution within brothels. If you can make an establishment out of prostitution, you can TAX the clients, the prostitutes, and the employers! The government makes money when they aren't stingy, uppity assholes about everything and just tax the hell out of everything they previously deemed 'wrong'. Worked with tobacco in the 1600s in Virginia; it can work now!
There is one flaw with my plan. In the Netherlands, where it is legal to have a prostitute, you run into the problem of the employers bringing in people from outside countries to work in the brothels because they work for much less, pretty much like a sex slave. Yes, human trafficking could prove to be a problem. With the opening of jobs all over the country thanks to the new job market, employers will want to get the cheapest labor to save a pretty penny. So, they will drive for days, if necessary, to round up the only people who will take a terrible job and do it for significantly less: Mexicans. A tragedy, really...at least to those who don't have a thing for Latino women.
So please, support the Immigration Bill!
However, I feel for those young ladies. They are seen as lowly citizens and cast aside, left only to be a slave to a pimp and a criminal to the law. What kind of living is it to have a job that is not accepted in our society? A living that isn't an honest living is not living at all, for sure! We got to help these poor women, men, and trannys out!
We must legalize and regulate prostitution!
Yes, America should follow in the footsteps of Nevada. There, prostitution is perfectly legal in counties that don't exceed a population of 500,000. It works, too! With regulations as far as getting checkups for AIDS and other types of VD, very few, if any, cases of the spread of disease has been reported.
Each state would abolish their prostitution laws and renew them with laws that contain prostitution within brothels. If you can make an establishment out of prostitution, you can TAX the clients, the prostitutes, and the employers! The government makes money when they aren't stingy, uppity assholes about everything and just tax the hell out of everything they previously deemed 'wrong'. Worked with tobacco in the 1600s in Virginia; it can work now!
There is one flaw with my plan. In the Netherlands, where it is legal to have a prostitute, you run into the problem of the employers bringing in people from outside countries to work in the brothels because they work for much less, pretty much like a sex slave. Yes, human trafficking could prove to be a problem. With the opening of jobs all over the country thanks to the new job market, employers will want to get the cheapest labor to save a pretty penny. So, they will drive for days, if necessary, to round up the only people who will take a terrible job and do it for significantly less: Mexicans. A tragedy, really...at least to those who don't have a thing for Latino women.
So please, support the Immigration Bill!
RamblingSimon Rants About: Children
I like children! They are cute and funny and cuddly and make adorable noises when you poke them really hard with a pointy stick. My favorite thing about them is that they are like balls of Play-Doh; you can shape them ANY way you want! There's a problem with how easily our children can be manipulated...sissy rules!
Quite a while ago, I found an article about how the game of tag was banned in some schools in Washington. What the HELL is up with that?! Afraid our kids are gonna get scrapes and, oh no, BLEED a little? It was under the grounds that bigger kids are gonna hurt little kids...
Uhh...yeah! That's the point! Are we trying to regulate the playground to the point that the PTO and Board feel the children are truly safe when they are bubble people?! If anything, a game of tag is actually good for the little, scrawny tyke! It teaches him that the real world, much like the playground, is not filled with Socialist equality! Some are born more fortunate than others like being a foot taller and 25 pounds heavier than the rest of the class. If anything, taking away games like tag is un-American! If little Timmy gets hurt playing tag, his father should buy him a set of weights, tell him to work at getting stronger, and hope his son has the determination to overcome the obstacles and rise from bottom of the ladder to the top! That's supporting the rags-to-riches side of Capitalism: working hard to beat the odds and be successful!
In fact, we are WAAAAY too lenient on kids today. Chores like mowing the lawn and cleaning up dog puke from the carpet causes children to whine and moan. At school, they get off easy for showing disrespect and breaking rules. If anything, corporal punishment should be re-enstated! I think if a teacher feels a kid is being a pain in the ass, hit the son of a bitch! Knock the cocky bastard's ass to the ground! In fact, you remember Matilda? The Chokey should be a federally-granted torture device! You'll think twice about not turning in your homework on time!
The best way to raise our children is to strengthen and scar them. Not to make them think we are evil...they are paying for our retirement homes...but to make sure everything turns out okay. The children are our future, unfortunately; let's make sure they aren't little pansies or disrespectful hooligans!
Quite a while ago, I found an article about how the game of tag was banned in some schools in Washington. What the HELL is up with that?! Afraid our kids are gonna get scrapes and, oh no, BLEED a little? It was under the grounds that bigger kids are gonna hurt little kids...
Uhh...yeah! That's the point! Are we trying to regulate the playground to the point that the PTO and Board feel the children are truly safe when they are bubble people?! If anything, a game of tag is actually good for the little, scrawny tyke! It teaches him that the real world, much like the playground, is not filled with Socialist equality! Some are born more fortunate than others like being a foot taller and 25 pounds heavier than the rest of the class. If anything, taking away games like tag is un-American! If little Timmy gets hurt playing tag, his father should buy him a set of weights, tell him to work at getting stronger, and hope his son has the determination to overcome the obstacles and rise from bottom of the ladder to the top! That's supporting the rags-to-riches side of Capitalism: working hard to beat the odds and be successful!
In fact, we are WAAAAY too lenient on kids today. Chores like mowing the lawn and cleaning up dog puke from the carpet causes children to whine and moan. At school, they get off easy for showing disrespect and breaking rules. If anything, corporal punishment should be re-enstated! I think if a teacher feels a kid is being a pain in the ass, hit the son of a bitch! Knock the cocky bastard's ass to the ground! In fact, you remember Matilda? The Chokey should be a federally-granted torture device! You'll think twice about not turning in your homework on time!
The best way to raise our children is to strengthen and scar them. Not to make them think we are evil...they are paying for our retirement homes...but to make sure everything turns out okay. The children are our future, unfortunately; let's make sure they aren't little pansies or disrespectful hooligans!
RamblingSimon Rants About: Political Correctness
Some choice words to describe 'political correctness': "Really...REALLY.....GAAAAAAAY!"
This is a movement I really HATE! Not because of it's cause. Oh, no! I believe the cause for telling people it's wrong to call somebody by a derogatory term is a VERY good thing. It serves as a check for the incredibly racist. The problem lies in the fact that the movement has stretched WAAAAAAAY too far!
One thing that really irks me during the Yule-time season is that change to "Happy Holidays"! What the fuck is that all about? Maybe I'd feel differently if I was apart of that 1% that DOESN'T celebrate Christmas, but I think it's crap that we try to appease the minority at the expense of the majority's tradition. The biggest arguement for the minority in this situation is the media is pushing their religious beliefs on them.
R-religous beliefs!?!
Take a good gander at American society today? Are we religious? Is Christmas about Baby Jesus, the miracle, and mangers in the middle of the fucking desert? NO! It's about BUYING CRAP NOBODY NEEDS! That's what Christmas is today! So, if you try the 'pushing of beliefs' thing, you're obviously an anti-capitalistic commie. If so, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY COUNTRY, RED!
Another one that gets me is "Hyphenated Americans". Now, Teddy Roosevelt himself said these were bad to have. Of course, this was in a time of imperialism in Europe and having _____-Americans living right next door to us, claiming allegiance to both countries, scared the daylights out of us. Let me give an example: African-Americans. Remember back in the early 1800, we had the American Colonization Society? No? Well, we did. Their aim was to ship free slaves back to Africa. You know why it didn't work?
THEY WEREN'T AFRICAN!!!
Most hyphenated Americans are born on American soil. You kinda lose the allegiance when you have very little to do with the culture. The color-coded system was much easier. Black, white, red, yellow, brown. Here's the thing: Americans understand colors. That's why red means stop, green means go, and yellow means elevated on the "The Terrorists Are Gonna Kill Us" Scale.
Now, I know saying the n-word is bad. Heck, it's so bad, I don't even want to type it out! I'm not saying we go back to that. What I'm saying is that we need to stop before this gets out of hand and we continue trends like what we do for deaf people. Apparently, deaf people didn't mind being called deaf, but then somebody said we need to start calling them "hearing-impaired". Deaf people got pissy, used sign language to tell each other how pissed off they were, and now some are reffered to as "hard-of-hearing". NOW they are getting pissy about that!
FUCK YOU, DEAF PEOPLE!!! You are deaf! African-Americans are black, the holidays are Christmas and Hanukkah SEPARATE, and Kristie Alley in those Pier 1 commercials is FAT!
>_<
This is a movement I really HATE! Not because of it's cause. Oh, no! I believe the cause for telling people it's wrong to call somebody by a derogatory term is a VERY good thing. It serves as a check for the incredibly racist. The problem lies in the fact that the movement has stretched WAAAAAAAY too far!
One thing that really irks me during the Yule-time season is that change to "Happy Holidays"! What the fuck is that all about? Maybe I'd feel differently if I was apart of that 1% that DOESN'T celebrate Christmas, but I think it's crap that we try to appease the minority at the expense of the majority's tradition. The biggest arguement for the minority in this situation is the media is pushing their religious beliefs on them.
R-religous beliefs!?!
Take a good gander at American society today? Are we religious? Is Christmas about Baby Jesus, the miracle, and mangers in the middle of the fucking desert? NO! It's about BUYING CRAP NOBODY NEEDS! That's what Christmas is today! So, if you try the 'pushing of beliefs' thing, you're obviously an anti-capitalistic commie. If so, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY COUNTRY, RED!
Another one that gets me is "Hyphenated Americans". Now, Teddy Roosevelt himself said these were bad to have. Of course, this was in a time of imperialism in Europe and having _____-Americans living right next door to us, claiming allegiance to both countries, scared the daylights out of us. Let me give an example: African-Americans. Remember back in the early 1800, we had the American Colonization Society? No? Well, we did. Their aim was to ship free slaves back to Africa. You know why it didn't work?
THEY WEREN'T AFRICAN!!!
Most hyphenated Americans are born on American soil. You kinda lose the allegiance when you have very little to do with the culture. The color-coded system was much easier. Black, white, red, yellow, brown. Here's the thing: Americans understand colors. That's why red means stop, green means go, and yellow means elevated on the "The Terrorists Are Gonna Kill Us" Scale.
Now, I know saying the n-word is bad. Heck, it's so bad, I don't even want to type it out! I'm not saying we go back to that. What I'm saying is that we need to stop before this gets out of hand and we continue trends like what we do for deaf people. Apparently, deaf people didn't mind being called deaf, but then somebody said we need to start calling them "hearing-impaired". Deaf people got pissy, used sign language to tell each other how pissed off they were, and now some are reffered to as "hard-of-hearing". NOW they are getting pissy about that!
FUCK YOU, DEAF PEOPLE!!! You are deaf! African-Americans are black, the holidays are Christmas and Hanukkah SEPARATE, and Kristie Alley in those Pier 1 commercials is FAT!
>_<
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