RamblingSimon Rants About: Jesus

Oooh...religion.

I've actually presented this issue to my friends numerous times, but it's always been a thought in my head. People and nations have that human tendency to study religion, learn the doctrines, and start shit with people of other religions. It's human nature to say, "your opinion sucks big, floppy donkey dick; join my church!"

Now, let's focus on Christianity to specifically for one moment. From what I can gather, God is the creator and Jesus is the son of God in all divisions of that religion (there may be a few I'm forgetting about that think otherwise...never know with those crazy-ass Presbyterians). I think people get WAY too touchy when it comes to who's right and wrong as far as the different sects of Christianity...and then you have atheists who don't even acknowledge Him and His son (I think it should be 'Them' with the big 'T'). No matter what you believe, there's one piece of common ground we should all be able to agree on:

If God, the supreme, powerful ruler, is the father of Jesus Christ, Jesus should have sweet superpowers!

I mean, think about it! God had the power to cause floods and plagues, create the Earth and the heavens, and set fires to bushes..although, that was only during his more youthful and rebellious arson years. You'd think that'd transfer over to Jesus a bit. Sure, he walked on water and turned water in to wine and resurrected Lazarus like 20 or 30 times, but that's small potatoes! If you look at the father-son relationship in mythology, you can see that Hercules had some of the powers of Zeus, and Luke had the powers of Anakin. Jesus prolly had a few tricks up his sleeve that he never shared. That whole 'turn the other cheek' thing keeps you from finding sinners and using heat-vision on them.

I bet he could fly...or turn invisible...or communicate with fish........wait, no...that's actually the lamest superpower known throughout the universe. Aquaman was just a merman who wanted to be cool with the land-dwellers, so he claimed to be a superhero...

Even if you think I'm crazy for saying all of this, you have to admit that Jesus would have inherited abilities from his father that could've been used for destructive purposes if he felt it necessary....although, he could've just turned the water in a man's bloodstream into wine. I'm pretty sure that'd kill you, or just give you a nasty hangover and possibly crabs the next morning.